Chicken Liver Empath (Part III)

In my case, I think the fact that I didn’t love myself stemmed from not being around CERTAIN TYPES of soulmates.  I couldn’t see myself in everyone’s eyes, and that was okay; that was expected.  I searched for “something” in other people and got disappointed most every time.  I thought it was normal, that I was not normal because I expected so much.  I know how to love unconditionally, but all I got was conditional behavior, low vibrations, and I didn’t understand them – I didn’t understand why.  Others judged me in terms of the “normal” everyday person and that hurt me.  I knew I wasn’t normal in that sense.  They knew I wasn’t normal in any sense, still, they judged me like they would a normal person.  Sometimes the hurt came across as anger but it was genuine hurt.  My feelings were always getting hurt.

Yes, even though I felt as if it was my job to secretly take on other people’s emotions, to understand, forgive and all that jazz, the fact that other people had the nerve to judge me so harshly was borderline offensive.  I let all that stuff get to me in the past because I really didn’t know what was going on in my life.  I thought the problem was that I cared too deeply about other people.  I tried to shut it off but I couldn’t.  I cannot stop caring about people.  I didn’t know how to transmute the negative effectively.  I also had to learn to love myself unconditionally and nurture my feelings, especially in the instance of soulmates – the CERTAIN TYPES of soulmates I’d been looking for since I arrived here.

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