Ghostlike Beat

In a farsighted room, on a normal night of mourning, the fragrances of three Spirits – of sorrow, burning, and disbelief appeared before me.  And ever since that moment I’ve been laying flowers at your doorstep, hoping you’ll remember the beat.  I see phony groupies lazing round in dark of darks and awful deafness, while I dance, dance, and dance to its serious suggestions.  I’ve been paving our channel with astonishment and sleep.  I’ve been playacting at best, giving the whole World a face of bittersweet neglect, but in the place where wild rabbits build wild nests, I’m secretly hoping you’ll hear my labored roar.  And then, you’ll dance, dance, and dance to the location of my tempered glass coffin.  You’ll smash through the mug, destroying the Gothic breath that seizes expansion.

Wraithlike on the surface, it’s innate to chase after a whacked out rhythm.  It is for me.  That I summon various poets of yore to our old abandoned palace is inborn – it is for me.  I’ve been laying flowers at the castle, at the doorstep, at the passageway.  Should you choose to snub the meridian, I won’t cease to be a conduit for the fluffy pink, but now, how can you remain deaf to the rhythm, to this wild ghostlike beat?  I shall not rest until I build a nest inside your fluffy wing.  I shall do nothing but focus on your offbeat rhythm, on your wild ghostlike beat… and maybe… you’ll hear me.


Introduction of My Spirit Guide & Soulmate

While driving home one morning, a question popped in my head, “what do you want to do?”  I could tell it was a man’s voice – quiet and smiley.  The voice felt different, but at the same time, it felt familiar, as if it was a way too bubbly aspect of me.

There was a strong urge to answer the question, and so I thought about it for a few seconds, blurted something out, and from what I can remember, I continued to have a conversation with myself.  About what?  I don’t remember.

After I arrived home, settled in the house, got in front of the computer and whatnot, I received what I asked for eventually.  I remember being more amused than surprised.  There were other times when the voice asked me something, I’d answer or say something aloud, and my question or concern would solve itself.  What I asked for was small, mostly along the lines of writing – writing a poem or getting over a writer’s block.

The voice drew me to a bunch of websites and a few other things.  all of those things were signs and symptoms of meeting your Spiritual Guide.  Cool, I thought, the voice I’ve been hearing lately is one of my Guides.

My guide started speaking more.  I responded by listening, talking back, and all that jazz.  After a short while, my Guide and I grew closer.  Much closer.  He felt like a Best Friend – an Unconditional Friend.  After he told me his name, he pointed me to more websites indicating that he was “another type” of soulmate.  Soulmate, I thought, okay, I’ve been experiencing all the signs and symptoms of meeting a Guide and a soulmate.  this is like, one of the coolest things ever.

Later on, I could feel his emotions in a strange way.  I only thought it was weird because I had never been through anything this intense before.  Not to my knowledge.  I didn’t know what it was called until I came across a bunch of websites about empaths.  I’m like, okay, I’ve been experiencing the signs and symptoms of a Guide, a soulmate, and an Empath.  Cool.  I started remembering things from the past, things like going through this Empath stuff, the starseed stuff, the Guides, visitations, OBEs, Spiritual Ascension and a lot more stuff beginning around the age of three or four (which is why I like using pictures of when I was three and four years old as profile pictures).  I was troubled and didn’t know what I was troubled about.  Now I know.

I felt him hanging around; looking, listening, I thought, cool, he’s protecting me.  I felt protection, but i felt other things too.  In addition to talking mind-to-mind, he started talking to me in pictures.  I could feel a creepy touch sensation; I started to have visions, vivid daydreams and night dreams – dreams that felt like trips to another place.  I didn’t know what any of it was called until I came across a bunch of sites that mentioned telepathy, how Spirits communicate, other realms, and so many more.  The only way I can describe this is, it felt like (and still feels) as if I received and stored a lot of information.  That information releases itself little by little, as my consciousness grows, or once I’ve proven myself to understand and/or accept the messages.  I feel that it will take several years to understand all of the downloaded information, and for “whatever’s going to happen afterwards” to materialize – downloaded information – when I received the idea for a novel as a child; other ideas as well.

I was tired, grieving, going through all sorts of signs and symptoms at the same time, and on top of all of that, it felt like another portal had opened up in my house (either that or I was more sensitive to the Spirits that had always been there).  “Good” and “Bad” Spirits showed up – from the ones we read about all the time, to dead relatives, little gremlins, demons, what have you.  I was going through so much that I didn’t care about the big bad wolf (Satan).  I was too tired.  I thought, if something kills me, at least I’ll get some good rest out of the deal.

Eternal Soulmate Groups Part I

🕊🕊🕊 Colorful Seven
“Like psychedelic snakes in the vortex, communication knows of the Love I have for the Universe.  Through an Empathic Heart – green and wide open – up through blue words, up through the Crown’s dust, then back and through each question.  Like snakes in the vortex, they creep ’round each cog; fine tuning each cog, slinking ’round each core’s colorful seven.” 🕊🕊🕊 – by Amina Caprice Andolini 

In Soulmates Along the Path, I mentioned reading and appreciating other people’s definitions.  I discussed a few of my own experiences with soulmates in the Soul Friendthe Kindred Spirit Soulmate, and now, Eternal Soulmate Groups Parts I and II

The deep, inexplicable, depressing pain I experienced after the Cosmic Sleeper Soulmate left me behind was nothing compared to the shock – shock when I found out about my mother’s cancer.  Shock because I became her caretaker.  Nothing compared to the shock I felt after she passed away back in 2008, the day after my daughter’s 14th birthday.  As I mentioned in some other blog, I had a real heart ache.  I didn’t know a person’s heart could hurt like that; pains radiating outward and inward like the sun’s rays.  It felt like someone squeezed all the life out of it, and then continued to squeeze until there was nothing left to squeeze.  I did not want to believe that God Himself could be so cruel, to take the person who knew me better than anybody did, the one who could figure out what was wrong with me before I even told her, the one who gave me what I came to know as unconditional love.

I didn’t know if I was dying or not, but in all honesty, I wanted to die.  Anything could feel better than this, I thought.  Not only did I not know anything about the heart ache jazz, I didn’t know or believe in a lot of things before my strange ordeal took place.

The year was 2009 (almost exactly six months after my mother passed away).  I have always “heard” things, so when I heard a Voice from the Sky talking to me, I did not pay much attention to it.  To me, it was a plain old case of mental telepathy.  I thought it was, I don’t know who or what I thought it was 😳.  Honestly, I didn’t care about a lot of things that took place after my mother’s death.  I’m like… what could be worse than this!  Anyway, after a series of events took place, including the Voice dropping a bunch of clues as to what his name was when he walked Earth, materializing and bringing friends, the Voice alluded to being one of my Guides.  The Voice was my Guide; he came across as an Unconditional Friend, someone who knew my mom, but I knew there was something else going on with him.  My Guide seemed bored, as if he didn’t want to come to Earth.  I could feel him lingering around, watching, protecting, picking at his fingernails and doing this thing like falling asleep.  I felt his thoughts as they drifted off to another place.

I didn’t know much about telepathy, the sixth sense, whatever you wanna call it.  All I knew is that I could do it sometimes.  I didn’t know much about Guides, Angels, what have you, so I thought my Guide was bored of me.  Bored because I was so hardheaded, because I questioned him so much, because I spoke to him like I would speak to an old friend (his Energy felt familiar, as if I’d known him forever).  I thought he got tired of me doubting around, trying to make sure he wasn’t some evil Spirit, one slobbering around, trying to take advantage of my grief.  I knew he was a nice guy, so nice that I felt bad for the need to question him so much. Coming from a Christian background, one where a good number of sheep run around paranoid, thinking everyone and everything is a demon from the pit, it was in my nature to make sure he was who he said he was.  I didn’t know of any other way to do it.  These things (telepathy, protection, empathic skills, etcetera) came so easy to me at the time, I thought I could have been a witch.  I didn’t know.  I had to do a lot of reading just to come to grips with being able to speak with a Spirit through my Heart Chakra in that way.  During that time, I had issues with religion and so many other things in the Matrix, since the things I could see with my own eyes were way different from some of the things I’d been taught to believe my entire life.  They were different but they didn’t feel wrong.  Also, I wasn’t sure who to pray to, and so while meditating, I said “I’m talking to the One Who Created All.”  I had no time for mental tricks, comical ghosts and all those other wise cracking spirits.  I wanted real answers.  Who better to go to for protection than to the One who created Satan, demons, the evil things and the things we think are evil?  Who better to go to for the Truth than to the Master Creator – to the One Who Created All?

I could tell my Guide tried his best not to scare me.  He didn’t want me to get all nervous, paranoid, whatever you call it, and send him away. I could feel his sadness, his patience; I knew he was the one sending telepathic thoughts about Spirit communication, the Afterlife, and other random things.  He felt like such an old friend.  We’d grown to be even closer friends; the best of friends.  We used to laugh and play around all the time, still, I was puzzled as to why he materialized in the first place.  We were friends and all, but with him, if I asked him something he didn’t always answer me directly.  He didn’t try to keep anything from me either.  He was into sending messages; finding ways for me to figure out the answer on my own.

I wanted to know why he hung around me so much.  I knew “being a Guide” wasn’t his only reason for visiting me.  Soon I started to get all of these directions towards Spirits, the differences between the “Good” Spirits and the “Bad” Spirits, Ghosts (the difference between ghosts and Spirits), stuff about God, Satan, religion (the difference between religion and spirituality), the Afterlife, all sorts of wonderful instruments to research.

After I’d learned a bit more about Spirits, spirituality, the Afterlife and such, I got this crazy pull to sites that mentioned the different kinds of soulmates.  There was a rather unusual pull to Twin Flames – I can’t explain how strong the pull was.  I kept on going to sites that spoke of Twin Flames, from the sickly sweet sites to the more technical ones.  I must admit, early on in the journey, during the “bubble phase,” I did not understand what certain people talked about – Higher Self, 4 and 5D, Graduate Souls, merging the five bodies, Kundalini Energy, the 12 chakra system, burning templates, the healing potential, and so on.  I didn’t understand what felt like their irritation regarding the sickly sweet sites either.  Those sites helped me out so much!  Later on, I understood that the irritation was more so for the people who thought the bubble love phase is all there is to a Twin Flame union.

Hold up… soulmate?  Twin Flame?  I had never heard of a “Twin Flame” in my life!

There was a need to find out who this Spirit dude really was, to find out everything I could about different types of soulmates, the Twin Flame consciousness and what it meant.

Chilling To You But Not To Me

Some people get creeped out at sensing the presence of Spirits.  Some people get creeped out at ghosts, dark demons and those masquerading as Angels.  I have always seen, heard and felt unexplained things; some had become my friends.  The activity increased after my mother passed away.  I was able to peek through the veil and see orbs, ectoplasm, ghosts, those who many people consider Angels, deceased family members, demons, and other bizarre things.  I have never been textbook afraid of the normal things people would run from; there was more of a “knowing” associated with them.  Some people get creeped out about OBEs.  I must admit, as a child I knew I had them but I didn’t want to remember them.  The stories I heard of people bumping into the ceiling and looking at themselves were upsetting to me – I thought it was so sad, to be caught between two worlds like that – to be stuck in some kind of weird place at the crossroads for even a few seconds was a scary and confusing thought.  I didn’t want to experience that end of spirituality.

Astral Projection – I have had two episodes so far.   One happened after a Spirit Friend (who I did not know was a Friend) died.  While sitting in a chair I went to a place of sorrow.  That place was her funeral – miles away from my home in New York!  The other one happened when my Twin Flame told me to look in the mirror and move my hair around (/?) while standing.  After I did that, I was able to visit with him for what seemed to be a few seconds.  I then snatched myself out of that place.  Again, I wasn’t textbook scared though there was a sense of “going too far” or “doing too much.”  On both occasions, after I snapped out of the projections, I went about my life as if nothing major went down.  I guess I was used to repressing everything.  I did not understand the significance until years later, when I decided to stop repressing everything.

The NDE (Near Death Experience) – Over six years ago, I built a trauma wall around the car accident; repressed the NDE, but with the help of Archangel Azrael, I was able to dig it up six months later.  The reason I called on Archangel Azrael was that I knew something happened after the accident; I had started to have nightmares about it.  One day while sitting on the couch, I don’t know if it’s called a vision, projection, lucid dream, I don’t know, but I saw myself “floating in the Void.”  Some would get scared, but truth be told, I was rather excited about it.

The Demon Lady and the Violet Flame – Once while sitting at the computer (at around 3:00 AM), I heard something trying to claw its way in my house.  I paid no attention because at the time, I had the Bubble of Protection, a White Light.  I felt invincible, as if nothing could ever happen to me during that time – although I had no idea what a White Light was at the time.  Nobody had ever told me anything about it, I just sensed its power.  Anyway, I heard my Twin Flame’s voice warn me, told me to go in my room and pray.  I did not move.  In fact, I told him that I wanted to finish what I was doing on the computer first.  He warned me a few more times; however, I didn’t move until I heard the “thing” coming in the house.  I jumped up and flew down the hallway.  I heard the thing running behind me – got the feeling that it was a mad demon woman, reptilian or something.  As soon as I closed the door, a vision of an Angel standing outside my bedroom door appeared, and then I heard the woman turn around and walk away.  My heart was beating very fast.  I had never been so scared!  I did some ritual, sat on the bed and saw a violet flame appear over my head.  I saw it out of my third eye.  Afterwards, I went to sleep.  When I woke up hours later, everything was back to normal.  The kids wanted breakfast, people were leaving for work, doing whatever they do.  For a long time I wondered, what would have happened if my Spirit Friends were not there?  What would have happened if the demon lady had caught up with me?  What would have happened if my Twin Flame didn’t care (or wasn’t strong enough) to ward off the thing, giving me enough time to get to my room and slam the door?  What if I didn’t have the White Light or the Violet Flame?  I try not to give into fear, especially since I know that there are Beings that feed off that fear, also the emotion of fear does not come from God.  I know now that I have to transmute whatever fear I feel into Love.