Divine Jealousy – a Twin Flame Thing

I finally found someone like me.  I should be happy, right?  Nope… I had the nerve to get skeptical.  I started to contact the chick but chickened out.  Why, when she explained some of the same things I went through in the beginning?  Well, it’s not that I don’t believe her, but something does bother me.  This has nothing to do with her – not really.  The something is the fact that it took me several years to fully deal and heal the scar tissue, but it only took her about five months.  What thuh!  And probably even shorter than that.  This girl had to have been awakened for a while before she met her Twin.  Look, I know it doesn’t really mean anything.  I’m aware that I had a lot of issues; a lot of baggage to get out the way before I was ready to accept the ascended Twin jazz (what I call the Twin Flame Oddity).  Because of all the baggage, I know, it took much longer for me.  See, it has nothing to do with her; however, the way she handled news so big is interesting.

The thing is, it took me so long to come to grips with this stuff; I’ve been walking this path for so long, that I’m used to it. I’m used to being along in this situation; I’m used to the people around me not understanding, not speaking on it, questioning my sanity or supporting me from afar.  Yeah, I wanna to reach out, but I’m kinda scared to reach out.  Why am I afraid?  At first it was because I didn’t want people calling me a liar or what’s worse, calling my Angels a bunch of demons, treating me as if I don’t know the difference between them and basically belittling everything I’ve ever been through in this lifetime.  I was terrified of people judging me, but now, I’m way past the doubtful stage.  I know what I experienced then and what I’m experiencing now.

I’m kinda afraid because I’ve held this stuff so close, that in some ways, it has become my selfish little fantasy.  For now, I control it.  I can guard it, lock it up, and play around with it as I see fit.  For the longest, I didn’t want anyone to share it.  I don’t want to share him, though he belongs to the world anyway – folks made him a one dimensional creature way before I came to Earth.  Even when I didn’t know who he was to me, there were times when I didn’t like some people’s version of him, but what can I do?  So what.  I can do nothing but deal with it.  I can’t control other people, only myself and other things to a point.  Yep, I had to deal with airs of misconception.  I had to deal with his guilt and his tortured artist jazz.  I had to deal with his mess along with my mess – my guilt and tortured artist jazz.  It took me so long to deal.

This divine jealousy is just one of the things that messed me up big time.  I wonder how she dealt with “mess” so fast?  Or, since her Twin was a genius, a beacon/light worker, and almost at the level of being a Guru when he walked Earth, I wonder if that’s why there wasn’t as much shock for her.  I don’t know.  I don’t care.  Good for her (really).  Yet and still, I hope to reach out and/or meet up with people like me very soon.  We are Blue Ray Twin Flames (or Red Rays), according to Patricia McNeilly, an Illumined Blue Ray Twin Flame from Chicago, Illinois.

Spiritual Bass – Twin Flame Oddity

What Exactly Is a Twin Flame (Quickly)?
From my understanding, a Twin Flame is an Eternal Soulmate.  Someone known on the Other Side, from past lives, someone you have made a contract with to be with forever.  Obviously, Twin Flames have been together since the beginning, they are the same Soul, split in some way, guiding each other, looking to meet up again.

Not everybody has a Twin Flame.  In fact, some should be grateful for that – it hurts too much when separated.  It is not one of those regular soulmate relationships, full of roses and lollipops, happily living life in the Matrix.  The relationship I speak of isn’t one where Twin Flames fight it out on the same plane either.  This is some of my experience with Twin Flame Oddity, which is a Twin Flame connection made while one is on another plane (or not in physical form).

Sixteen Things About This Oddity
On top of all the other stuff, I am now going through every sign and symptom of a Twin Flame meeting.  I couldn’t believe it.  I couldn’t believe this dude was getting it done from another plane.  I was shocked… Incredible!  I had never heard of anything like this in my life.

  1. After this dude told me his name, I was floored.  I could not believe he was my Twin Flame because we look so different physically, well, when he walked Earth we looked different.  There is a significant age gap; most everything seems to be the opposite externally; however, there are some similarities – some startling.

  2. There was a pull unlike anything I’d ever been through.  he drew me through words, words that I just knew were for me.  it was only then that I felt insane.  I didn’t care about the Guide, the soulmate, the creepy stuff, I thought all that stuff was cool, but after he showed me those words and a bunch of websites that focused on Twin Flames, I lost it, mainly because of the strong pull (the deja vu) and the triggers.

  3. Again, everything was fine when he was my Guide and Soulmate; however, when the Twin Flame Business came into effect, the triggers were too much to handle at times.  I wanted to cancel the whole thing.

  4. There was an awful soul mirror effect.  Just as I could see all the “good” things, all of the negative things were staring me in the face, in living color as I like to say.  It made me angry at times, sometimes I got angry with him, but deep down I knew he only mirrored something I had to fix within.  Even when I got angry with him, he remained smiley and patient.  How’d he do it?  I don’t know.

  5. My belief system changed.  This dude didn’t look like me, but he felt like me.  He knew me although I did not get the opportunity to meet him on Earth, and that in itself is crazy interesting, especially coming from a person who did not really believe in reincarnation, past lives and all that jazz beforehand.  During this time, I flipped and flopped so much that I almost cosigned with the ones who thought I was grieving too hard over my mother, talking to demons, etcetera.

  6. This dude took everything to a Higher degree.  One example: I could see black holes, or voids inside of me with my mind’s eye.  Just by coming close, my Twin Flame filled them up with some kind of purple liquid.  Not only filling my voids, but my heart Chakra grew.  It felt like it was about to burst out of my chest.  In fact, all sorts of things went haywire.  I had myself checked out by a doctor several times.  No new disease had developed.

  7. Crazy things were happening – manifestations, pops and sparkles – things that would scare a “normal” human being.

  8. Speaking of scaring a “normal” human being, studying about the Occult (which only means hidden; hidden knowledge) makes conventional people flee, screaming “Satan!”  Although my views on religion changed drastically, I never signed on with Satan and His Troops.  I see nothing wrong with that if that’s what a person wants to do though.  I have no issue with man-made religion, only the way its rules and regulations keep one trapped in a tiny little box.  God/the Creator/the Source and His Band are too big to fit in anyone’s box.

  9. He communicated as a Spiritual Teacher/Guru/Mentor.  Usually his voice was super quiet; when I asked him a question he’d give me pictures, hints, and try to get me to figure out things on my own.  When he did that, there was a knowing; when I was right, I could feel him smiling, like a teacher giving me an ‘A’ or a gold star.  he was an excellent teacher.  In fact, I used to sing praises to God – I thanked the Creator for creating my Twin Flame and bringing this super smart guy to me.  This was an unconventional situation, but I was grateful nonetheless.

  10. We communicated through writing and the Heart Chakra.  He got really loud with me a few times, not in an angry way, but in a way that sort of “made me understand” the deal.  Many of the Spirits that wanted to communicate with me did it through writing, but he did it the most.  I could write letters to any one of my Spirit Friends and they’d read them.  I know they did because either I’d get a dream of an answer to my problem or I’d get a physical sign alerting me to their presence.

  11. In addition to all the signs mentioned on other websites, I don’t think I’ve seen anything about smoke, a burning, something happening in the Heart (Heart Chakra).  Some kind of physical thing took place when the bond was made.

  12. He had detached himself from his prior Earth life completely.  Because of that, sometimes it seemed as if I was dealing with two different people.  Before I realized what was what, I called my Twin Flame an impostor, especially when he didn’t like talking about his past life.

  13. What he did was enormous.  I couldn’t believe it.  I didn’t want to believe it.  I thought I could have misinterpreted his messages or something.  I thought I read some more into his helping me through grief, telling me about the Spirit World, helping and showing me to my mother, guiding, teaching, his patience, leading me to a Spiritual Journey, being an Unconditional Friend, and so on.  I cannot name all of the positive and “negative” things his Spirit helped me realize.

  14. Logic kicked in.  I’m like, this dude is dead.  Even though those on the Other Side consider themselves alive, I said it anyway.  That’s what it is to a “normal” person… he’s dead, in the grave and everything.  I’m eccentric, but not that eccentric!  Or am I that eccentric?  Too much logic led to more research on a positive note, self-doubt on the low end.

  15. I felt insane when this stuff started happening, and I felt just as (or more) insane when it stopped happening.  I was beyond hysterical when I felt as if his Spirit was about to leave Earth.  I got a feeling, ran in the bathroom and cried.  My Twin Flame followed me and said, “I’ll never leave.”  I don’t know about anyone else, but for me, it took several years to come to grips with all of this stuff.  Years!

  16. His vibration was extremely High.  I couldn’t maintain that level of spirituality (there were physical symptoms).  I was forgetting about Earth (becoming ungrounded), and focusing more on him than on myself (my healing).  He kept reminding me to balance my Energies, of a purpose and some kind of mission.