I finally found someone like me. I should be happy, right? Nope… I had the nerve to get skeptical. I started to contact the chick but chickened out. Why, when she explained some of the same things I went through in the beginning? Well, it’s not that I don’t believe her, but something does bother me. This has nothing to do with her – not really. The something is the fact that it took me several years to fully deal and heal the scar tissue, but it only took her about five months. What thuh! And probably even shorter than that. This girl had to have been awakened for a while before she met her Twin. Look, I know it doesn’t really mean anything. I’m aware that I had a lot of issues; a lot of baggage to get out the way before I was ready to accept the ascended Twin jazz (what I call the Twin Flame Oddity). Because of all the baggage, I know, it took much longer for me. See, it has nothing to do with her; however, the way she handled news so big is interesting.
The thing is, it took me so long to come to grips with this stuff; I’ve been walking this path for so long, that I’m used to it. I’m used to being along in this situation; I’m used to the people around me not understanding, not speaking on it, questioning my sanity or supporting me from afar. Yeah, I wanna to reach out, but I’m kinda scared to reach out. Why am I afraid? At first it was because I didn’t want people calling me a liar or what’s worse, calling my Angels a bunch of demons, treating me as if I don’t know the difference between them and basically belittling everything I’ve ever been through in this lifetime. I was terrified of people judging me, but now, I’m way past the doubtful stage. I know what I experienced then and what I’m experiencing now.
I’m kinda afraid because I’ve held this stuff so close, that in some ways, it has become my selfish little fantasy. For now, I control it. I can guard it, lock it up, and play around with it as I see fit. For the longest, I didn’t want anyone to share it. I don’t want to share him, though he belongs to the world anyway – folks made him a one dimensional creature way before I came to Earth. Even when I didn’t know who he was to me, there were times when I didn’t like some people’s version of him, but what can I do? So what. I can do nothing but deal with it. I can’t control other people, only myself and other things to a point. Yep, I had to deal with airs of misconception. I had to deal with his guilt and his tortured artist jazz. I had to deal with his mess along with my mess – my guilt and tortured artist jazz. It took me so long to deal.
This divine jealousy is just one of the things that messed me up big time. I wonder how she dealt with “mess” so fast? Or, since her Twin was a genius, a beacon/light worker, and almost at the level of being a Guru when he walked Earth, I wonder if that’s why there wasn’t as much shock for her. I don’t know. I don’t care. Good for her (really). Yet and still, I hope to reach out and/or meet up with people like me very soon. We are Blue Ray Twin Flames (or Red Rays), according to Patricia McNeilly, an Illumined Blue Ray Twin Flame from Chicago, Illinois.